Ulysses: Chapter 18 Penelope

Description

• Author: James Joyce

　

YES BECAUSE HE NEVER DID A THING LIKE THAT BEFORE AS ASK To get his breakfast in bed with

a couple of eggs since the City arms hotel when he used to be pretending to be laid up

with a sick voice doing his highness to make himself interesting to that old faggot Mrs

Riordan that he thought he had a great leg of and she never left us a farthing all for

masses for herself and her soul greatest miser ever was actually afraid to lay out 4d for

her methylated spirit telling me all her ailments she had too much old chat in her about

politics and earthquakes and the end of the world let us have a bit of fun first God help

the world if all the women were her sort down on bathing-suits and lownecks of course

nobody wanted her to wear I suppose she was pious because no man would look at her twice I

hope I'll never be like her a wonder she didnt want us to cover our faces but she was a

welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here and Mr Riordan there

I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her dog smelling my fur and always edging to

get up under my petticoats especially then still I like that in him polite to old women

like that and waiters and beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always if ever

he got anything really serious the matter with him its much better for them go into a

hospital where everything is clean but I suppose Id have to dring it into him for a month

yes and then wed have a hospital nurse next thing on the carpet have him staying there

till they throw him out or a nun maybe like the smutty photo he has shes as much a nun as

Im not yes because theyre so weak and puling when theyre sick they want a woman to get

well if his nose bleeds youd think it was O tragic and that dyinglooking one off the south

circular when he sprained his foot at the choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day I

wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones she could find at the

bottom of the basket anything at all to get into a mans bedroom with her old maids voice

trying to imagine he was dying on account of her to never see thy face again though he

looked more like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed father was the same besides I

hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his toe with the razor paring his corns afraid hed

get blood poisoning but if it was a thing I was sick then wed see what attention only of

course the woman hides it not to give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere Im

sure by his appetite anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of her so either

it was one of those night women if it was down there he was really and the hotel story he

made up a pack of lies to hide it planning it Hynes kept me who did I meet ah yes I met do

you remember Menton and who else who let me see that big babbyface I saw him and he not

long married flirting with a young girl at Pooles Myriorama and turned my back on him when

he slinked out looking quite conscious what harm but he had the impudence to make up to me

one time well done to him mouth almighty and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever

met and thats called a solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle in bed or else if

its not that its some little bitch or other he got in with somewhere or picked up on the

sly if they only knew him as well as I do yes because the day before yesterday he was

scribbling something a letter when I came into the front room for the matches to show him

Dignams death in the paper as if something told me and he covered it up with the

blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very probably that was it to

somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because all men get a bit like that at his age

especially getting on to forty he is now so as to wheedle any money she can out of him no

fool like an old fool and then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not that I care

two straws who he does it with or knew before that way though Id like to find out so long

as I dont have the two of them under my nose all the time like that slut that Mary we had

in Ontario terrace padding out her false bottom to excite him bad enough to get the smell

of those painted women off him once or twice I had a suspicion by getting him to come near

me when I found the long hair on his coat without that one when I went into the kitchen

pretending he was drinking water I woman is not enough for them it was all his fault of

course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at our table on Christmas if you

please O no thank you not in my house stealing my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz

going out to see her aunt if you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had

something on with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you have no

proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters but I told her what I

thought of her suggesting me to go out to be alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to spy

on them the garters I found in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a

little bit too much I saw too that her face swelled up on her with temper when I gave her

her weeks notice better do without them altogether do out the rooms myself quicker only

for the damn cooking and throwing out the dirt I gave it to him anyhow either she or me

leaves the house I couldnt even touch him if I thought he was with a dirty barefaced liar

and sloven like that one denying it up to my face and singing about the place in the W C

too because she knew she was too well off yes because he couldnt possibly do without it

that long so he must do it somewhere and the last time he came on my bottom when was it

the night Boylan gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there

steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb to squeeze back

singing the young May Moon shes beaming love because he has an idea about him and me hes

not such a fool he said Im dining out and going to the Gaiety though Im not going to give

him the satisfaction in any case God knows hes change in a way not to be always and ever

wearing the same old hat unless] paid some nicelooking boy to do it since I cant do it

myself a young boy would like me Id confuse him a little alone with him if we were Id let

him see my garters the new ones and make him turn red looking at him seduce him I know

what boys feel with that down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the thing by

the hour question and answer would you do this that and the other with the coalman yes

with a bishop yes I would because I told him about some Dean or Bishop was sitting beside

me in the jews Temples gardens when I was knitting that woollen thing a stranger to Dublin

what place was it and so on about the monuments and he tired me out with statues

encouraging him making him worse than he is who is in your mind now tell me who are you

thinking of who is it tell me his name who tell me who the German Emperor is it yes

imagine Im him think of him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me what he never

will he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply ruination for any woman and

no satisfaction in it pretending to like it till ( he comes and then finish it off myself

anyway and it makes your lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all with all the talk

of the world about it people make its only the first time after that its just the ordinary

do it and think no more about it why cant you kiss a man without going and marrying him

first you sometimes love to wildly when you feel that way so nice all over you you cant

help yourself I wish some man or other would take me sometime when hes there and kiss me

in his arms theres nothing like a kiss long and hot down to your soul almost paralyses you

then I hate that confession when I used to go to Father Corrigan he touched me father and

what harm if he did where and I said on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on your

person my child on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was it where you sit

down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right out and have done with it what has that got to

do with it and did you whatever way he put it I forget no father and I always think of the

real father what did he want to know for when I already confessed it to God he had a nice

fat hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither would he Id say by the

bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know me in the box I could see his face he

couldnt see mine of course hed never turn or let on still his eyes were red when his

father died theyre lost for a woman of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone

them Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of incense off him like

the pope besides theres no danger with a priest if youre married hes too careful about

himself then give something to H H the pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with

me one thing I didnt like his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall

though I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking of his father I

wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in it who gave him that flower he said

he bought he smelt of some kind of drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind of

paste they stick their bills up with some liquor Id like to sip those richlooking green

and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with the opera hats I tasted

one with my finger dipped out of that American that had the squirrel talking stamps with

father he had all he could do to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time we

took the port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt lovely and

tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I popped straight into bed till

that thunder woke me up as if the world was coming to an end God be merciful to us I

thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish when I blessed myself and said a

Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in Gibraltar and they come and tell you theres no

God what could you do if it was running and rushing about nothing only make an act of

contrition the candle I lit that evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May

see it brought its luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to church mass

or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only grey matter because he doesnt

know what it is to have one yes when I lit the lamp yes because he must have come 3 or 4

times with that tremendous big red brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or whatever

the dickens they call it was going to burst though his nose is not so big after I took off

all my things with the blinds down after my hours dressing and perfuming and combing it

like iron or some kind of a thick crowbar standing all the time he must have eaten oysters

I think a few dozen he was in great singing voice no I never in all my life felt anyone

had one the size of that to make you feel full up he must have eaten a whole sheep after

whats the idea making us like that with a big hole in the middle of us like a Stallion

driving it up into you because thats all they want out of you with that determined vicious

look in his eye I had to halfshut my eyes still he hasnt such a tremendous amount of spunk

in him when I made him pull it out and do it on me considering how big it is so much the

better in case any of it wasnt washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in me

nice invention they made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if someone gave

them a touch of it themselves theyd know what I went through with Milly nobody would

believe cutting her teeth too and Mina Purefoys husband give us a swing out of your

whiskers filling her up with a child or twins once a year as regular as the clock always

with a smell of children off her the one they called budgers or something like a nigger

with a shock of hair on it Jesusjack the child is a black the last time I was there a

squad of them falling over one another and bawling you couldnt hear your ear supposed to

be healthy not satisfied till they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont know what

supposing I risked having another not off him though still if he was married I m sure hed

have a fine strong child but I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes thatd be awfully

jolly I suppose it was meeting Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking about me and

Boylan set him off well he can think what he likes now if thatll do him any good I know

they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene he was dancing and sitting out with her

the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming and then he wanted to ram it down my neck on

account of not liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standup row over

politics he began it not me when he said about Our Lord being a carpenter at last he made

me cry of course a woman is so sensitive about everything I was fuming with myself after

for giving in only for I knew he was gone on me and the first socialist he said He was he

annoyed me so much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a lot of mixed up things

especially about the body and the insides I often wanted to study up that myself what we

have inside us in that family physician I could always hear his voice talking when the

room was crowded and watch him after that I pretended I had on a coolness with her over

him because he used to be a bit on the jealous side whenever he asked who are you going to

and I aid over to Floey and he made me the present of lord Byrons poems and the three

pairs of gloves so that finished that I could quite easily get him to make it up any time

I know how Id even supposing he got in with her again and was going out to see her

somewhere Id know if he refused to eat the onions I know plenty of ways ask him to tuck

down the collar of my blouse or touch him with my veil and gloves on going out 1 kiss then

would send them all spinning however alright well seen then let him go to her she of

course would only be too delighted to pretend shes mad in love with him that I wouldnt so

much mind Id just go to her and ask her do you love him and look her square in the eyes

she couldnt fool me but he might imagine he was and make a declaration with his plabbery

kind of a manner to her like he did to me though I had the devils own job to get it out of

him though I liked him for that it showed he could hold in and wasnt to be got for the

asking he was on the pop of asking me too the night in the kitchen I was rolling the

potato cake theres something I want to say to you only for I put him off letting on I was

in a temper with my hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I let out too much the

night before talking of dreams so I didnt want to let him know more than was good for him

she used to be always embracing me Josie whenever he was there meaning him of course

glauming me over and when I said I washed up and down as far as possible asking me did you

wash possible the women are always egging on to that putting it on thick when hes there

they know by his sly eye blinking a bit putting on the indifferent when they come out with

something the kind he is what spoils him I dont wonder in the least because he was very

handsome at that time trying to look like lord Byron I said I liked though he was too

beautiful for a man and he was a little before we got engaged afterwards though she didnt

like it so much the day I was in fits of laughing with the giggles I couldnt stop about

all my hairpins falling one after another with the mass of hair I had youre always in

great humour she said yes because it grigged her because she knew what it meant because I

used to tell her a good bit of what went on between us not all but just enough to make her

mouth water but that wasnt my fault she didnt darken the door much after we were married I

wonder what shes got like now after living with that dotty husband of hers she had her

face beginning to look drawn and run down the last time I saw her she must have been just

after a row with him because I saw on the moment she was edging to draw down a

conversation about husbands and talk about him to run him down what was it she told me O

yes that sometimes he used to go to bed with his muddy boots on when the maggot takes him

just imagine having to get into bed with a thing like that that might murder you any

moment what a man well its not the one way everyone goes mad Poldy anyway whatever he does

always wipes his feet on the mat when he comes in wet or shine and always blacks his own

boots too and he always takes off his hat when he comes up in the street like that and now

hes going about in his slippers to look for #10000 for a postcard up up O Sweetheart May

wouldnt a thing like that simply bore you stiff to extinction actually too stupid even to

take his boots off now what could you make of a man like that Id rather die 20 times over

than marry another of their sex of course hed never find another woman like me to put up

with him the way I do know me come sleep with me yes and he knows that too at the bottom

of his heart take that Mrs Maybrick that poisoned her husband for what I wonder in love

with some other man yet it was found out on her wasnt she the downright villain to go and

do a thing like that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating drive you mad and

always the worst word in the world what do they ask us to marry them for if were so bad as

all that comes to yes because they cant get on without us white Arsenic she put in his tea

off flypaper wasnt it I wonder why they call it that if I asked him hed say its from the

Greek leave us as wise as we were before she must have been madly in love with the other

fellow to run the chance of being hanged O she didnt care if that was her nature what

could she do besides theyre not brutes enough to go and hang a woman surely are they


theyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he noticed at once even

before he was introduced when I was in the D B C with Poldy laughing and trying to listen

I was waggling my foot we both ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw him looking

with his two old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the girl where it was what do

I care with it dropping out of me and that black closed breeches he made me buy takes you

half an hour to let them down wetting all myself always with some brandnew fad every other

week such a long one I did I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got

after some robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish Times lost in the

ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I saw his eyes on

my feet going out through the turning door he was looking when I looked back and I went

there for tea 2 days after in the hope but he wasnt now how did that excite him because I

was crossing them when we were in the other room first he meant the shoes that are too

tight to walk in my hand is nice like that if I only had a ring with the stone for my

month a nice aquamarine Ill stick him for one and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so

much still I made him spend once with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of a

concert so cold and windy it was well we had that rum in the house to mull and the fire

wasnt black out when he asked to take off my stockings lying on the hearthrug in Lombard

street well and another time it was my muddy boots hed like me to walk in all the horses

dung I could find but of course hes not natural like the rest of the world that I what did

he say I could give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and beat her what does that mean I

asked him I forget what he said because the stoppress edition just passed and the man with

the curly hair in the Lucan dairy thats so polite I think I saw his face before somewhere

I noticed him when I was tasting the butter so I took my time Bartell dArcy too that he

used to make fun of when he commenced kissing me on the choir stairs after I sang Gounods

Ave Maria what are we waiting for O my heart kiss me straight on the brow and part which

is my brown part he was pretty hot for all his tinny voice too my low notes he was always

raving about if you can believe him I liked the way he used his mouth singing then he said

wasnt it terrible to do that there in a place like that I dont see anything so terrible

about it Ill tell him about that some day not now and surprise him ay and Ill take him

there and show him the very place too we did it so now there you are like it or lump it he

thinks nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt an idea about my mother till we

were engaged otherwise hed never have got me so cheap as he did he was 10 times worse

himself anyhow begging me to give him a tiny bit cut off my drawers that was the evening

coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me in the eye of my glove and I had to take it

off asking me questions is it permitted to inquire the shape of my bedroom so I let him

keep it as if I forgot it to think of me when I saw him slip it into his pocket of course

hes mad on the subject of drawers thats plain to be seen always skeezing at those

brazenfaced things on the bicycles with their skirts blowing up to their navels even when

Milly and I were out with him at the open air fete that one in the cream muslin standing

right against the sun so he could see every atom she had on when he saw me from behind

following in the rain I saw him before he saw me however standing at the corner of the

Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on him with the muffler in the Zingari colours to

show off his complexion-and the brown hat looking slyboots as usual what was he doing

there where hed no business they can go and get whatever they like from anything at all

with a skirt on it and were not to ask any questions but they want to know where were you

where are you going I could feel him coming along skulking after me his eyes on my neck he

had been keeping away from the house he felt it was getting too warm for him so I half

turned and stopped then he pestered me to say yes till I took off my glove slowly watching

him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the rain anything for an excuse to put

his hand anear me drawers drawers the whole blessed time till I promised to give him the

pair off my doll to carry about in his waistcoat pocket O Maria santissima he did look a

big fool dreeping in the rain splendid set of teeth he had made me hungry to look at them

and beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoat I had on with sunray pleats that there

was nobody he Said hed kneel down in the wet if I didnt so persevering he would too and

ruin his new raincoat you never know what freak theyd take alone with you theyre so savage

for it if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and touched his trousers outside the

way I used to Gardner after with my ring hand to keep him from doing worse where it was

too public I was dying to find out was he circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over

they want to do everything too quick take all the pleasure out if it and father waiting

all the time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in the butchers and had to

go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me that letter with all those words in it how

could he have the face to any woman after his company manners making it so awkward after

when we met asking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course he saw I wasnt he

had a few brains not like that other fool Henry Doyle he was always breaking or tearing

something in the charades I hate an unlucky man and if I knew what it meant of course I

had to say no for form sake dont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of

course it used to be written up with a picture of a womans on that wall in Gibraltar with

that word I couldnt find anywhere only for children seeing it too young then writing a

letter every morning sometimes twice a day I liked the way he made love then he knew the

way to take a woman when he sent me the 8 big poppies because mine was the 8th then I

wrote the night he kissed my heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt describe it simply it makes

you feel like nothing on earth but he never knew how to embrace well like Gardner I hope

hell come on Monday as he said at the same time four I hate people who come at all hours

answer the door you think its the vegetables then its somebody and you all undressed or

the door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old frostyface Goodwin called

about the concert in Lombard street and I just after dinner all flushed and tossed with

boiling old stew dont look at me professor I had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real

old gent in his way it was impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out you

have to peep out through the blind like the messengerboy today I thought it was a putoff

first him sending the port and the peaches first and I was just beginning to yawn with

nerves thinking he was trying to make a fool of me when I knew his tattarrattat at the

door he must have been a bit late because it was 1/4 after 3 when I saw the 2 Dedalus

girls coming from school I never know the time even that watch he gave me never seems to

go properly Id want to get it looked after when I threw the penny to that lame sailor for

England home and beauty when I was whistling there is a charming girl I love and I hadnt

even put on my clean shift or powdered myself or a thing then this day week were to go to

Belfast just as well he has to go to Ennis his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt be

pleasant if he did suppose our rooms at the hotel were beside each other and any fooling

went on in the new bed I couldnt tell him to stop and not bother me with him in the next

room or perhaps some protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the wall then he

wouldnt believe next day we didnt do something its all very well a husband but you cant

fool a lover after me telling him we never did anything of course he didnt believe me no

its better hes going where he is besides something always happens with him the time going

to the Mallow Concert at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for the two of us then the bell

rang out he walks down the platform with the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it

hadnt he the nerve and the waiter after him making a holy show of us screeching and

confusion for the engine to start but he wouldnt pay till he finished it the two gentlemen

in the 3rd class Carriage said he was quite right so he was too hes so pigheaded sometimes

when he gets a thing into his head a good job he was able to open the carriage door with

his knife or theyd have taken us on to Cork I suppose that was done out of revenge on him

O I love jaunting in a train or a car with lovely soft cushions I wonder will he take a

1st class for me he might want to do it in the train by tipping the guard well O I suppose

therell be the usual idiots of men gaping at us with their eyes as stupid as ever they can

possibly be that was an exceptional man that common workman that left us alone in the

carriage that day going to Howth Id like to find out something about him 1 or 2 tunnels

perhaps then you have to look out of the window all the nicer then coming back suppose I

never came back what would they say eloped with him that gets you on on the stage the last

concert I sang at where its over a year ago when was it St Teresas hall Clarendon St

little chits of missies they have now singing Kathleen Kearney and her like on account of

father being in the army and my singing the absentminded beggar and wearing a brooch for

lord Roberts when I had the map of it all and Poldy not Irish enough was it him managed it

this time I wouldnt put it past him like he got me on to sing in the Stabat Mater by going

around saying he was putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put him up to that till the

jesuits found out he was a freemason thumping the piano lead Thou me on copied from some

old opera yes and he was going about with some of them Sinner Fein lately or whatever they

call themselves talking his usual trash and nonsense he says that little man he showed me

without the neck is very intelligent the coming man Griffith is he well he doesnt look it

thats all I can say still it must have been him he knew there was a boycott I hate the

mention of politics after the war that Pretoria and Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where

Gardner Lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was a lovely fellow

in khaki and just the right height over me Im sure he was brave too he said I was lovely

the evening we kissed goodbye at the canal lock my Irish beauty he was pale with

excitement about going away or wed be seen from the road he couldnt stand properly and I

so hot as I never felt they could have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Paul

and the rest of the old Krugers go and fight it out between them instead of dragging on

for years killing any finelooking men there were with their fever if he was even decently

shot it wouldnt have been so bad I love to see a regiment pass in review the first time I

saw the Spanish cavalry at La Roque it was lovely after looking across the bay from

Algeciras all the lights of the rock like fireflies or those sham battles on the 15 acres

the Black Watch with their kilts in time at the march past the 10th hussars the prince of

Wales own or the lancers O the lancers theyre grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his

father made his money over selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me a nice

present up in Belfast after what I gave theyve lovely linen up there or one of those nice

kimono things I must buy a mothball like I had before to keep in the drawer with them it

would be exciting going around with him shopping buying those things in a new city better

leave this ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get it over the knuckle there

or they might bell it round the town in their papers or tell the police on me but theyd

think were married O let them all go and smother themselves for the fat lot I care he has

plenty of money and hes not a marrying man so somebody better get it out of him if I could

find out whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course when I looked close in the

handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression besides scrooching down on me

like that all the time with his big hipbones hes heavy too with his hairy chest for this

heat always having to lie down for them better for him put it into me from behind the way

Mrs Mastiansky told me her husband made her like the dogs do it and stick out her tongue

as far as ever she could and he so quiet and mild with his tingating either can you ever

be up to men the way it takes them lovely stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish

tie and socks with the skyblue silk things on them hes certainly welloff I know by the cut

his clothes have and his heavy watch but he was like a perfect devil for a few minutes

after he came back with the stop press tearing up the tickets and swearing blazes because

he lost 20 quid he said he lost over that outsider that won and half he put on for me on

account of Lenehans tip cursing him to the lowest pits that sponger he was making free

with me after the Glencree dinner coming back that long joult over the featherbed mountain

after the lord Mayor looking at me with his dirty eyes Val Dillon that big heathen I first

noticed him at dessert when I was cracking the nuts with my teeth I wished I could have

picked every morsel of that chicken out of my fingers it was so tasty and browned and as

tender as anything only for I didnt want to eat everything on my plate those forks and

fishslicers were hallmarked silver too I wish I had some I could easily have slipped a

couple into my muff when I was playing with them then always hanging out of them for money

in a restaurant for the bit you put down your throat we have to be thankful for our mangy

cup of tea itself as a great compliment to be noticed the way the world is divided in any

case if its going to go on I want at least two other good chemises for one thing and but I

dont know what kind of drawers he likes none at all I think didnt he say yes and half the

girls in Gibraltar never wore them either naked as God made them that Andalusian singing

her Manola she didnt make much secret of what she hadnt yes and the second pair of

silkette stockings is laddered after one days wear I could have brought them back to

Lewers this morning and kick up a row and made that one change them only not to upset

myself and run the risk of walking into him and ruining the whole thing and one of those

kidfitting corsets Id want advertised cheap in the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the

hips he saved the one I have but thats no good what did they say they give a delightful

figure line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the lower back to reduce

flesh my belly is a bit too big Ill have to knock off the stout at dinner or am I getting

too fond of it the last they sent from ORourkes was as flat as a pancake he makes his

money easy Larry they call him the old mangy parcel he sent at Xmas a cottage cake and a

bottle of hogwash he tried to palm off as claret that he couldnt get anyone to drink God

spare his spit for fear hed die of the drouth or I must do a few breathing exercises I

wonder is that antifat any good might overdo it thin ones are not so much the fashion now

garters that much I have the violet pair I wore today thats all he bought me out of the

cheque he got on the first O no there was the face lotion I finished the last of yesterday

that made my skin like new I told him over and over again get that made up in the same

place and dont forget it God only knows whether he did after all I said to him Ill know by

the bottle anyway if not I suppose Ill only have to wash in my piss like beeftea or

chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet I thought it was beginning to look

coarse or old a bit the skin underneath is much finer where it peeled off there on my

finger after the burn its a pity it isnt all like that and the four paltry handkerchiefs

about 6/- in all sure you cant get on in this world without style all going in food and

rent when I get it Ill lash it around I tell you in fine style I always want to throw a

handful of tea into the pot measuring and mincing if I buy a pair of old brogues itself do

you like those new shoes yes how much were they Ive no clothes at all the brown costume

and the skirt and jacket and the one at the cleaners 3 whats that for any woman cutting up

this old hat and patching up the other the men wont look at you and women try to walk on

you because they know youve no man then with all the things getting dearer every day for

the 4 years more I have of life up to 35 no Im what am I at all Ill be 33 in September

will I what O well look at that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than me I saw her when I was

out last week her beautys on the wane she was a lovely woman magnificent head of hair on

her down to her waist tossing it back like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham street 1st

thing I did every morning to look across see her combing it as if she loved it and was

full of it pity I only got to know her the day before we left and that Mrs Langtry the

Jersey Lily the prince of Wales was in love with I suppose hes like the first man going

the roads only for the name of a king theyre all made the one way only a black mans Id

like to try a beauty up to what was she 45 there was some funny story about the jealous

old husband what was it all and an oyster knife he went no he made her wear a kind of a

tin thing around her and the prince of Wales yes he had the oyster knife cant be true a

thing like that like some of those books he brings me the works of Master Francois

somebody supposed to be a priest about a child born out of her ear because her bumgut fell

out a nice word for any priest to write and her a-e as if any fool wouldnt know what that

meant I hate that pretending of all things with the old blackguards face on him anybody

can see its not true and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that twice I remember

when I came to page 50 the part about where she hangs him up out of a hook with a cord

flagellate sure theres nothing for a woman in that all invention made up about he drinking

the champagne out of her slipper after the ball was over like the infant Jesus In the crib

at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins arms sure no woman could have a child that big taken

out of her and I thought first it came out of her side because how could she go to the

chamber when she wanted to and she a rich lady of course she felt honoured H. R. H. he was

in Gibraltar the year I gas born I bet he found lilies there too where he planted the tree

he planted more than that in his time he might have planted me too if hed come a bit

sooner then I wouldnt be here as I am he ought to chuck that Freeman with the paltry few

shillings he knocks out of it and go into an office or something where hed get regular pay

or a bank where they could put him up on a throne to count the money all the day of course

he prefers plottering about the house so you cant stir with him any side whats your

programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe like father to get the smell of a man or

pretending to be mooching about for advertisements when he could have been in Mr Cuffes

still only for what he did then sending me to try and patch it up I could have got him

promoted there to be the manager he gave me a great mirada once or twice first he was as

stiff as the mischief really and truly Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the old

rubbishy dress that I lost the leads out of the tails with no cut in it but theyre coming

into fashion again I bought it simply to please him I knew it was no good by the finish

pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Burns as I said and not Lees it was just like

the shop itself rummage sale a lot of trash I hate those rich shops get on your nerves

nothing kills me altogether only he thinks he knows a great lot about a womans dress and

cooking mathering everything he can scour off the shelves into it if I went by his advices

every blessed hat I put on does that suit me yes take that thats alright the one like a

wedding cake standing up miles off my head he said suited me or the dishcover one coming

down on my backside on pins and needles about the shop girl in that place in Grafton

street I had the misfortune to bring him into and she as insolent as ever she could be

with her smirk saying Im afraid were giving you too much trouble whats she there for but I

stared it out of her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder but he changed the second time

he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the soup but I could see him looking very hard at

my chest when he stood up to open the door for me it was nice of him to show me out in any

case Im extremely sorry Mrs Bloom believe me without making it too marked the first time

after him being insulted and me being supposed to be his wife I just half smiled I know my

chest was out that way at the door when he said Im extremely sorry and Im sure you were

yes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long be made me thirsty

titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one anyhow stiff the nipple gets for the

least thing Ill get him to keep that up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with marsala

fatten them out for him what are all those veins and things curious the way its made 2 the

same in case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up there like those

statues in the museum one of them pretending to hide it with her hand are they so

beautiful of course compared with what a man looks like with his two bags full and his

other thing hanging down out of him or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they

hide it with a cabbageleaf the woman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I

could pose for a picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the job

in Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee palace would I be like

that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes only shes younger or Im a little like that

dirty bitch in that Spanish photo he has the nymphs used they go about like that I asked

him that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat market or that other wretch with

the red head behind the tree where the statue of the fish used to be when I was passing

pretending he was pissing standing out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one

side the Queens own they were a nice lot its well the Surreys relieved them theyre always

trying to show it to you every time nearly I passed outside the mens greenhouse near the

Harcourt street station just to try some fellow or other trying to catch my eye or if it

was 1 of the 7 wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the night

coming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade to make you feel

nice and watery I went into 1 of them it was so biting cold I couldnt keep it when was

that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons

werent there to see me squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of it

before I tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre not afraid going about of

getting a kick or a bang or something there and that word met something with hoses in it

and he came out with some jawbreakers about the incarnation he never can explain a thing

simply the way a body can understand then he goes and burns the bottom out of the pan all

for his Kidney this one not so much theres the mark of his teeth still where he tried to

bite the nipple I had to scream out arent they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great

breast of milk with Milly enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have

got a pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate looking

student that stopped in No 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly caught me washing through

the window only for I snapped up the towel to my face that was his studenting hurt me they

used to weaning her till he got doctor Brady to give me the Belladonna prescription I had

to get him to suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker than cows

then he wanted to milk me into the tea well hes beyond everything I declare somebody ought

to put him in the budget if I only could remember the one half of the things and write a

book out of it the works of Master Poldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an

hour he was at them Im sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant I had at me they

want everything in their mouth all the pleasure those men get out of a woman I can feel

his mouth O Lord I must stretch myself I wished he was here or somebody to let myself go

with and come again like that I feel all fire inside me or if I could dream it when he

made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind with his finger I was coming for about 5

minutes with my legs round him I had to hug him after O Lord I wanted to shout out all

sorts of things fuck or shit or anything at all only not to look ugly or those lines from

the strain who knows the way hed take it you want to feel your way with a man theyre not

all like him thank God some of them want you to be so nice about it I noticed the contrast

he does it and doesnt talk I gave my eyes that look with my hair a bit loose from the

tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him the savage brute Thursday Friday one

Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant wait till Monday

frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have in them

like big giants and the water rolling all over and out of them all sides like the end of

Loves old sweet synnnng the poor men that have to be out all the night from their wives

and families in those roasting engines stifling it was today Im glad I burned the half of

those old Freemans and Photo bits leaving things like that lying around hes getting very

careless and threw the rest of them up in the W C Ill get him to cut them tomorrow for me

instead of having them there for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking

wheres last Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the hall making

the place hotter than it is the rain was lovely just after my beauty sleep I thought it

was going to get like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before the levanter came on

black as night and the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big giant compared with

their 3 Rock mountain they think is so great with the red sentries here and there the

poplars and they all whitehot and the mosquito nets and the smell of the rainwater in

those tanks watching the sun all the time weltering down on you faded all that lovely

frock fathers friend Mrs Stanhope sent me from the B Marche Paris what a shame my dearest

Doggerina she wrote on what she was very nice whats this her other name was just a P C to

tell you I sent the little present have just had a jolly warm bath and feel a very clean

dog now enjoyed it wogger she called him wogger wd give anything to be back in Gib and

hear you sing in old Madrid or Waiting Concone is the name of those exercises he bought me

one of those new some word Icouldn't make out shawls amusing things but tear for the least

thing still theyre lovely I think dont you will always think of the lovely teas we had

together scrumptious currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now dearest

Doggerina be sure and write soon kind she left out regards to your father also Captain

Grove with love yrs affly x x x x x she didnt look a bit married just like a girl he was

years older than her wogger he was awfully fond of me when he held down the wire with his

foot for me to step over at the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was given

the bulls ear clothes we have to wear whoever invented them expecting you to walk up

Killiney hill then for example at that picnic all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing

in them in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats why I was afraid when that other

ferocious old Bull began to charge the banderillos with the sashes and the 2 things in

their hats and the brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the women were as bad in their

nice white mantillas ripping all the whole insides out of those poor horses I never heard

of such a thing in all my life yes he used to break his heart at me taking off the dog

barking in bell lane poor brute and it sick what became of them ever I suppose theyre dead

long ago the 2 of them its like all through a mist makes you feel so old I made the scones

of course I had everything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hair

mine was thicker than hers she showed me how to settle it at the back when I put it up and

whats this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one hand we were like cousins what

age was I then the night of the storm I slept in her bed she had her arms round me then we

were fighting in the morning with the pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got

an opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father and Captain

Grove I looked up at the church first and then at the windows then down and our eyes met I

felt something go through me like all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after when I

looked at myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change I had a splendid skin

from the sun and the excitement like a rose I didn't get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have

been nice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me the Moonstone

to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East Lynne I read and the shadow of

Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by that other woman I lent him afterwards with

Mulveys photo in it so as he see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn

she gave me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a Molly in

them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a whore always shoplifting

anything she could cloth and stuff and yards of it this blanket is too heavy on me thats

better I havent even one decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled up under me besides

him and his fooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my shift drenched

with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the chair when I stood up they were so

fattish and firm when I got up on the sofa cushions to see with my clothes up and the bugs

tons of them at night and the mosquito nets I couldnt read a line Lord how long ago it

seems centuries of course they never come back and she didnt put her address right on it

either she may have noticed her wogger people were always going away and we never I

remember that day with the waves and the boats with their high heads rocking and the swell

of the ship those Officers uniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything

he was very serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was blowing she kissed

me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I did or near it my lips were taittering

when I said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrap of some special kind of blue colour on her for

the voyage made very peculiarly to one side like and it was extremely pretty it got as

dull as the devil after they went I was almost planning to run away mad out of it

somewhere were never easy where we are father or aunt or marriage waiting always waiting

to guiiiide him toooo me waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and

booming all over the shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing everything down in

all directions if you didnt open the windows when general Ulysses Grant whoever he was or

did supposed to be some great fellow landed off the ship and old Sprague the consul that

was there from before the flood dressed up poor man and he in mourning for the son then

the same old reveille in the morning and drums rolling and the unfortunate poor devils of

soldiers walking about with messtins smelling the place more than the old longbearded jews

in their jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men to cross

the lines and the warden marching with his keys to lock the gates and the bagpipes and

only Captain Groves and father talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet

Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum lighting their pipes for them everytime they went out

drunken old devil with his grog on the windowsill catch him leaving any of it picking his

nose trying to think of some other dirty story to tell up in a corner but he never forgot

himself when I was there sending me out of the room on some blind excuse paying his

compliments the Bushmills whisky talking of course but hed do the same to the next woman

that came along I supposed he died of galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a

letter from a living soul except the odd few I posted to myself with bits of paper in them

so bored sometimes I could fight with my nails listening to that old Arab with the one eye

and his heass of an instrument singing his heah heah aheah all my compriments on your

hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now with the hands hanging off me looking out of the

window if there was a nice fellow even in the opposite house that medical in Holles street

the nurse was after when I put on my gloves and hat at the window to show I was going out

not a notion what I meant arent they thick never understand what you say even youd want to

print it up on a big poster for them not even if you shake hands twice with the left he

didnt recognise me either when I half frowned at him outside Westland row chapel where

does their great intelligence come in Id like to know grey matter they have it all in

their tail if you ask me those country gougers up in the City Arms intelligence they had a

damn sight less than the bulls and cows they were selling the meat and the coalmans bell

that noisy bugger trying to swindle me with the wrong bill he took out of his hat what a

pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken bottles for a poor man today

and no visitors or post ever except his cheques or some advertisement like that

wonderworker they sent him addressed dear Madam only his letter and the card from Milly

this morning see she wrote a letter to him who did I get the last letter from O Mrs Dwenn

now whatever possessed her to write after so many years to know the recipe I had for pisto

madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote to say she was married to a very rich architect if

Im to believe all I hear with a villa and eight rooms her father was an awfully nice man

he was near seventy always good humour well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie theres the

pyannyer that was a solid silver coffee service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then

dying so far away I hate people that have always their poor story to tell everybody has

their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute pneumonia well I didnt

know her so well as all that she was Floeys friend more than mine its a bother having to

answer he always tells me the wrong things and no stops to say like making a speech your

sad bereavement sympathy I always make that mistake and newphew with 2 double yous in I

hope hell write me a longer letter the next time if its a thing he really likes me O

thanks be to the great God I got somebody to give me what I badly wanted to put some heart

up into me youve no chances at all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebody

would write me a love-letter his wasnt much and I told him he could write what he liked

yours ever Hugh Boylan in Old Madrid silly women believe love is sighing I am dying still

if he wrote it I suppose thered be some truth in it true or no it fills up your whole day

and life always something to think about every moment and see it all around you like a new

world I could write the answer in bed to let him imagine me short just a few words not

those long crossed letters Atty Dillon used to write to the fellow that was something in

the four courts that jilted her after out of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to

say a few simple words he could twist how he liked not acting with precipit precipitancy

with equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentlemans proposal

affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all very fine for them but as for being

a woman as soon as youre old they might as well throw you out in the bottom of the ash

pit.

Mulveys was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio brought it in with

the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her to hand me and I pointing at them I

couldnt think of the word a hairpin to open it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing and

it staring her in the face with her switch of false hair on her and vain about her

appearance ugly as she was near 80 or a 100 her face a mass of wrinkles with all her

religion domineering because she never could get over the Atlantic fleet coming in half

the ships of the world and the Union Jack flying with all her carabineros because 4

drunken English sailors took all the rock from them and because I didnt run into mass

often enough in Santa Maria to please her with her shawl up on her except when there was a

marriage on with all her miracles of the saints and her black blessed virgin with the

silver dress and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning and when the priest was

going by with the bell bringing the vatican to the dying blessing herself for his Majestad

an admirer he signed it I near jumped out of my skin I wanted to pick him up when I saw

him following me along the Calle Real in the shop window then he tipped me just in passing

I never thought hed write making an appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all

day reading it up in every hole and corner while father was up at the drill instructing to

find out by the handwriting or the language of stamps singing I remember shall I wear a

white rose and I wanted to put on the old stupid clock to near the time he was the first

man kissed me under the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a boy it never entered my head

what kissing meant till he put his tongue in my mouth his mouth was sweetlike young I put

my knee up to him a few times to learn the way what did I tell him I was engaged for fun

to the son of a Spanish nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he believed that I was

to be married to him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in jest there is a

flower that bloometh a few things I told him true about myself just for him to be

imagining the Spanish girls he didnt like I suppose one of them wouldnt have him I got him

excited he crushed all the flowers on my bosom he brought me he couldnt count the pesetas

and the perragordas till I taught him Cappoquin he came from he said on the Blackwater but

it was too short then the day before he left May yes it was May when the infant king of

Spain was born Im always like that in the spring Id like a new fellow every year up on the

tiptop under the rockgun near OHaras tower I told him it was struck by lightning and all

about the old Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all over the show

on each others back Mrs Rubio said she was a regular old rock scorpion robbing the

chickens out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you went anear he was looking at me

I had that white blouse on open at the front to encourage him as much as I could without

too openly they were just beginning to be plump I said I was tired we lay over the firtree

cove a wild place I suppose it must be the highest rock in existence the galleries and

casemates and those frightful rocks and Saint Michaels cave with the icicles or whatever

they call them hanging down and ladders all the mud plotching my boots Im sure thats the

way down the monkeys go under the sea to Africa when they die the ships out far like chips

that was the Malta boat passing Yes the sea and the sky you could do what you liked lie

there for ever he caressed them outside they love doing that its the roundness there I was

leaning over him with my white ricestraw hat to take the newness out of it the left side

of my face the best my blouse open for his last day transparent kind of shirt he had I

could see his chest pink he wanted to touch mine with his for a moment but I wouldn't let

him he was awfully put out first for fear you never know consumption or leave me with a

child embarazada that old servant Ines told me that one drop even if it got into you at

all after I tried with the Banana but I was afraid it might break and get lost up in me

somewhere yes because they once took something down out of a woman that was up there for

years covered with limesalts theyre all mad to get in there where they come out of youd

think they could never get far enough up and then theyre done with you in a way till the

next time yes because theres a wonderful feeling there all the time so tender how did we

finish it off yes O yes I pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not to be excited

but I opened my legs I wouldnt let him touch me inside my petticoat I had a skirt opening

up the side I tortured the life out of him first tickling him I loved rousing that dog in

the hotel rrrsssst awokwokawok his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was shy all the

same I liked him like that morning I made him blush a little when I got over him that way

when I unbuttoned him and took his out and drew back the skin it had a kind of eye in it

theyre all Buttons men down the middle on the wrong side of them Molly darling he called

me what was his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant he was rather

fair he had a laughing kind of a voice so I went around to the whatyoucallit everything

was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said hed come back Lord its just like yesterday to

me and if I was married hed do it to me and I promised him yes faithfully Id let him block

me now flying perhaps hes dead or killed or a Captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I

said firtree cove he would if he came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes to guess

who I might recognise him hes young still about 40 perhaps hes married some girl on the

black water and is quite changed they all do they havent half the character a woman has

she little knows what I did with her beloved husband before he ever dreamt of her in broad

daylight too in the sight of the whole world you might say they could have put an article

about it in the Chronicle I was a bit wild after when I blew out the old bag the biscuits

were in from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a bang all the woodcocks and pigeons

screaming coming back the same way that we went over middle hill round by the old

guardhouse and the jews burial place pretending to read out the Hebrew on them I wanted to

fire his pistol he said he hadnt one he didnt know what to make of me with his peaked cap

on that he always wore crooked as often as I settled it straight H M S Calypso swinging my

hat that old Bishop that spoke off the altar his long preach about womans higher functions

about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak caps and the new woman bloomers God

send him sense and me more money I suppose theyre called after him I never thought that

would be my name Bloom when I used to write it in print to see how it looked on a visiting

card or practising for the butcher and oblige M Bloom youre looking blooming Josie used to

say after I married him well its better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those awful

names with bottom in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I wouldnt

go mad about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my mother whoever she was might

have given me a nicer name the Lord knows after the lovely one she had Lunita Laredo the

fun we had running along Willis road to Europa point twisting in and out all round the

other side of Jersey they were shaking and dancing about in my blouse like Millys little

ones now when she runs up the stairs I loved looking down at them I was jumping up at the

pepper trees and the white poplars pulling the leaves off and throwing them at him he went

to India he was to write the voyages those men have to make to the ends of the world and

back its the least they might get a squeeze or two at a woman while they can going out to

be drowned or blown up somewhere I went up windmill hill to the flats that Sunday morning

with Captain Rubios that was dead spyglass like the sentry had he said hed have one or two

from on board I wore that frock from the B Marche Paris and the coral necklace the straits

shining I could see over to Morocco almost the bay of Tangierwhite and the At!as mountain

with snow on it and the straits like a river so clear Harry Molly Darling I was thinking

of him on the sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down at the

elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for the smell of him

there was no decent perfume to be got in that Gibraltar only that cheap peau despagne that

faded and left a stink on you more than anything else I wanted to give him a memento he

gave me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to South Africa where

those Boers killed him with their war and fever but they were well beaten all the same as

if it brought its bad luck with it like an opal or pearl must have been pure 16 carat gold

because it was very heavy I can see his face clean shaven Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong

that train again weeping tone once in the dear deaead days beyond recall close my eyes

breath my lips forward kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I

hate that istsbeg comes loves sweet ssooooooong Ill let that out full when I get in front

of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her lot of squealers Miss This Miss That Miss

Theother lot of sparrowfarts skitting around talking about politics they know as much

about as my backside anything in the world to make themselves someway interesting Irish

homemade beauties soldiers daughter am ay and whose are you bootmakers and publicans I beg

your pardon coach I thought you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if

ever they got a chance of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like me on the

bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help their poor head I knew

more about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all know at 50 they dont know how to

sing a song like that Gardner said no man could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like

that end not think of it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so English all

father left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure anyhow he always said

theyre so snotty about themselves some of those cads he wasnt a bit like that he was dead

gone on my lips let them get a husband first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like

mine or see if they can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose whoever he

wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each others arms or the voice either I

could have been a prima donna only I married him comes loooves old deep down chin back not

too much make it double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore about the moated grange

at twilight and vaulted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow from the south that he gave

after the choirstairs performance Ill change that lace on my black dress to show off my

bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get that big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole is

itching me always when I think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me better go

easy not wake him have him at it again slobbering after washing every bit of myself back

belly and sides if we had even a bath itself or my own room anyway I wish hed sleep in

some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give us room even to let a fart God or do the

least thing better yes hold them like that a bit on my side piano quietly sweeeee theres

that train far away pianissimo eeeeeeee one more song that was a relief wherever you be

let your wind go free who knows if that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was

quite good with the heat I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that queerlooking man in

the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is not smoking fill my nose up with

smuts better than having him leaving the gas on all night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in

Gibraltar even getting up to see why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in

the winter its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was only

about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes dressing her up and

undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the something Nevada sierra

nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a short shift I had up to heat myself I

loved dancing about in it then make a race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite used

to be there the whole time watching with the lights out in the summer and I in my skin

hopping around I used to love myself then stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming

only when it came to the chamber performance I put out the light too so then there were 2

of us Goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not going to get in with those

medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young again coming in at 4 in the morning it

must be if not more still he had the manners not to wake me what do they find to gabber

about all night squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink water

then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea Findon haddy and hot buttered toast I

suppose well have him sitting up like the king of the country pumping the wrong end of the

spoon up and down in his egg wherever he learned that from and I love to hear him falling

up the stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then play with the cat

she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has she fleas shes as bad as a woman

always licking and lecking but I hate their claws I wonder do they see anything that we

cant staring like that when she sits at the top of the stairs so long and listening as I

wait always what a robber too that lovely fresh plaice I bought I think Ill get a bit of

fish tomorrow or today is it Friday yes I will with some blancmange with black currant jam

like long ago not those 2 lb pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and Newcastle

Williams and Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate those eels cod yes Ill get

a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for 3 forgetting anyway Im sick of that

everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of

mutton and calfs pluck the very name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each

and or let him pay and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and drive out to

the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him examining all the horses toenails first

like he does with the letters no not with Boylan there yes with some cold veal and ham

mixed sandwiches there are little houses down at the bottom of the banks there on purpose

but its as hot as blazes he says not a bank holiday anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann

coalboxes out for the day Whit Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him

better the seaside but Id never again in this life get into a boat with him after him at

Bray telling the boatmen he knew how to row if anyone asked could he ride the steeplechase

for the gold cup hed say yes then it came on to get rough the old thing crookeding about

and the weight all down my side telling me to pull the right reins now pull the left and

the tide all swamping in floods in through through the bottom and his oar slipping out of

the stirrupits a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of course me no theres no danger

whatsoever keep yourself calm in his flannel trousers Id like to have tattered them down

off him before all the people and give him what that one calls flagellate till he was

black and blue do him all the good in the world only for that longnosed chap I dont know

who he is with that other beauty Burke out of the City Arms hotel was there spying around

as usual on the slip always where he wasnt wanted if there was a row on you vomit a better

face there was no love lost between us thats I consolation I wonder what kind is that book

he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion some other Mr de Kock I suppose the

people gave him that nickname going about with his tube from one woman to another I

couldnt even change my new white shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had

with that feather all blowy and tossed on me how annoying and provoking because the smell

of the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan bay round the back

of the rock they were fine all silver in the fishermens baskets old Luigi near a hundred

they said came from Genoa and the tall old chap with the earrings I dont like a man you

have to climb up to go get at I suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago besides I dont

like being alone in this big barracks of a place at night I suppose Ill have to put up

with it I never brought a bit of salt in even when we moved in the confusion musical

academy he was going to make on the first floor drawingroom with a brassplate or Blooms

private hotel he suggested go and ruin himself altogether the way his father did down in

Ennis like all the things he told father he was going to do and me but I saw through him

telling me all the lovely places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with

the gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of and mandolines

and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he was going to do immediately if not

sooner will you be my man will you carry my can he ought to get a leather medal with a

putty rim for all the plans he invents then leaving us here all day you never know what

old beggar at the door for a crust with his long story might be a tramp and put his foot

in the way to prevent me shutting it like that picture of that hardened criminal he was

called in Lloyds Weekly News 20 years in jail then he comes out and murders an old woman

for her mofley imagine his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such a face youd run

miles away from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted all the doors and windows to make sure

but its worse again being locked up like in a prison or a madhouse they ought to be all

shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute like that that would attack a poor old woman to

murder her in her bed Id cut them off so I would not that hed be much use still better

than nothing the night I was sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and he went down in his

shirt with a candle and a poker as if he was looking for a mouse as white as a sheet

frightened out of his wits making as much noise as he possibly could for the burglars

benefit there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the feeling especially

now with Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl down there to learn to take

photographs on account of his grandfather instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where

shed have to learn not like me getting all at school only hed do a thing like that all the

same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im certain the way he plots and plans

everything out I couldnt turn round with her in the place lately unless I bolted the door

first gave me the fidgets coming in without knocking first when I put the chair against

the door just as I was washing myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then

doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to look at her if he

knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack statue with her roughness and

carelessness before she left that I got that little Italian boy to mend so that you cant

see the join for 2 shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you of course shes right

not to ruin her hands I noticed he was always talking to her lately at the table

explaining things in the paper and she pretending to understand sly of course that comes

from his side of the house and helping her into her coat but if there was anything wrong

with her its me shed tell not him he Cant say I pretend things can he Im too honest as a

matter of fact I suppose he thinks Im finished out and laid on the shelf well Im not no

nor anything like it well see well see now shes well on for flirting too with Tom Devans

two sons imitating me whistling with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can Milly

come out please shes in great demand to pick what they can out of her round in Nelson

street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well he sent her where she is she was

just getting out of bounds wanting to go on the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes

through their nose I smelt it off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button

I sewed on to the bottom of her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I tell you only I

oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her it brings a parting and the last plumpudding too

split in 2 halves see it comes out no matter what they say her tongue is a bit too long

for my taste your blouse is open too low she says to me the pan calling the kettle

blackbottom and I had to tell her no! to cock her legs up like that on show on the

windowsill before all the people passing they all look at her like me when I was her age

of course any old rag looks well on you then a great touchmenot too in her own way at the

Only Way in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of that I hate people touching me

afraid of her life Id crush her skirt with the pleats a lot of that touching must go on in

theatres in the crush in the dark theyre always trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in

the pit at the pit at the Gaiety for Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go

there to be squashed like that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me

there and looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to get near two

stylish dressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same little game I recognised him on

the moment the face and everything but he didn't remember me and she didnt even want me to

kiss her at the Broadstone going away well I hope shell get someone to dance attendance on

her the way I did when she was down with the mumps her glands swollen wheres this and

wheres that of course she cant feel anything deep yet I never came properly till I was

what 22 or so it went into the wrong place always only the usual girls nonsense and

giggling that Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper sealed with

sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because he looked so handsome

then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought to myself afterwards

it must be real love if a man gives up his life for her that way for nothing I suppose

there are few men like that left its hard to believe in it though unless it really

happened to me the majority of them with not a particle of love in their natures to find

two people like that nowadays full up of each other that would feel the same way as you do

theyre usually a bit foolish in the head his father must have been a bit queer to go and

poison himself after her still poor old man I suppose he felt lost always making love to

my things too the few old rags I have wanting to put her hair up at 15 my powder too only

ruin her skin on her shes time enough for that all her life after of course shes restless

knowing shes pretty with her lips so red a pity they wont stay that way I was too but

theres no use going to the fair with the thing answering me like a fishwoman when I asked

to go for a half a stone of potatoes the day we met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the

trottingmatches and she pretended not to see us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we

werent grand enough till I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take

that now for answering me like that and that for your impudence she had me that

exasperated of course contradicting I was badtempered too because how was it there was a

weed in the tea or I didnt sleep the night before cheese I ate was it and I told her over

and over again not to leave knives crossed like that because she has nobody to command her

as she said herself well if he doesnt correct her faith I will that was the last time she

turned on the teartap I was just like that myself they darent order me about the place its

his fault of course having the two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long

ago am I ever going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see him coming Id

have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance that old Mrs Fleming you

have to be walking round after her putting the things into her hands sneezing and farting

into the pots well of course shes old she cant help it a good job I found that rotten old

smelly dishcloth that got lost behind the dresser I knew there was something and opened

the window to let out the smell bringing in his friends to entertain them like the night

he walked home with a dog if you please that might have been mad especially Simon Dedalus

son his father such a criticiser with his glasses up with his tall hat on him at the

cricket match and a great big hole in his sock one thing laughing at the other and his son

that got all those prizes for whatever he won them in the intermediate imagine climbing

over the railings if anybody saw him that knew us wonder he didnt tear a big hole in his

grand funeral trousers as if the one nature gave wasnt enough for anybody hawking him down

into the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his head I ask pity it wasn't washing day my

old pair of drawers might have been hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed

ever care with the ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was

something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and now shes going such

as she was on account of her paralysed husband getting worse theres always something wrong

with them disease or they have to go under an operation or if its not that its drink and

he beats her Ill have to hunt around again for someone every day I get up theres some new

thing on sweet God sweet God well when Im stretched out dead in my grave I suppose Ill

have some peace I want to get up a minute if Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that thing has

come on me yes now wouldnt that afflict you of course all the poking and rooting and

ploughing he had up in me now what am I to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that pester

the soul out of a body unless he likes it some men do God knows theres always something

wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual monthly auction isnt it simply sickening

that night it came on me like that the one and only time we were in a box that Michael

Gunn gave him to see Mrs Kendal and her husband at the Gaiety something he did about

insurance for him Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt give in with that

gentleman of fashion staring down at me with his glasses and him the other side of me

talking about Spinoza and his soul thats dead I suppose millions of years ago I smiled the

best I could all in a swamp leaning forward as if I was interested having to sit it out

then to the last tag I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry supposed to be a fast

play about adultery that idiot in the gallery hissing the woman adulteress he shouted I

suppose he went and had a woman in the next lane running round all the back ways after to

make up for it I wish he had what I had then hed boo I bet the cat itself is better off

than us have we too much blood up in us or what O patience above its pouring out of me

like the sea anyhow he didnt make me pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin the

clean sheets the clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn it and they always want

to see a stain on the bed to know youre a virgin for them all thats troubling them theyre

such fools too you could be a widow or divorced 40 times over a daub of red ink would do

or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy let me up out of this pooh sweets of sin

whoever suggested that business for women what between clothes and cooking and children

this damned old bed too jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over

the other side of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor with the pillow

under my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think it is easy I think Ill cut all

this hair off me there scalding me I might look like a young girl wouldnt he get the great

suckin the next time he turned up my clothes on me Id give anything to see his face wheres

the chamber gone easy Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me after that old commode I

wonder was I too heavy sitting on his knee I made him sit on the easychair purposely when

I took off only my blouse and skirt first in the other room he was so busy where he

oughtnt to be he never felt me I hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy

God I remember one time I could scout it out straight whistling like a man almost easy O

Lord how noisy I hope theyre bubbles on it for a wad of money from some fellow Ill have to

perfume it in the morning dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of thighs than that

look how white they are the smoothest place is right there between this bit here how soft

like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a man and get up on a lovely woman O Lord what

a row youre making like the jersey lily easy O how the waters come down at Lahore

who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I something growing in

me getting that thing like that every week when was it last I Whit Monday yes its only

about 3 weeks I ought to go to the doctor only it would be like before I married him when

I had that white thing coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick Dr

Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called it I suppose thats how

he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting round those rich ones off Stephens green

running up to him for every little fiddlefaddle her vagina and her cochinchina theyve

money of course so theyre all right I wouldnt marry him not if he was the last man in the

world besides there something queer about their children always smelling around those

filthy bitches all sides asking me if what I did had an offensive odour what did he want

me to do but the one thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it all over his

wrinkly old face for him with all my compriment I suppose hed know then and could you pass

it easily pass what I thought he was talking about the rock of Gibraltar the way he puts

it thats a very nice invention too by the way only I like letting myself down after in the

hole as far as I can squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and

needles still theres something in it I suppose I always used to know by Millys when she

was a child whether she had worms or not still all the same paying him for that how much

is that doctor one guinea please and asking me had I frequent omissions where do those old

fellows get all the words they have omissions with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked

sideways I wouldnt trust him too far to give me chloroform or God knows what else still I

liked him when he sat down to write the thing out frowning so severe his nose intelligent

like that you be damned you lying strap O anything no matter who except an idiot he was

clever enough to spot that of course that was all thinking of him and his mad crazy

letters my Precious one everything connected with your glorious Body everything underlined

that comes from it is a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he got out of some

nonsensical book that he had me always at myself 4 or 5 times a day sometimes and I said I

hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a way that shut him up I knew what was

coming next only natural weakness it was he excited me I dont know how the first night

ever we met when I was living in Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another for

about 10 minutes as if we met somewhere I suppose on account of my being jewess looking

after my mother he used to amuse me the things he said with the half sloothering smile on

him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand for a member of Parliament O wasnt I the

born fool to believe all his blather about home rule and the land league sending me that

long strool of a song out of the Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O beau pays

de la Touraine that I never even sang once explaining and rigmaroling about religion and

persecution he wont let you enjoy anything naturally then might he as a great favour the

very 1st opportunity he got a chance in Brighton square running into my bedroom pretending

the ink got on his hands to wash it off with the Albion milk and sulphur soap I used to

use and the gelatine still round it O I laughed myself sick at him that day Id better not

make an all night sitting on this affair they ought to make chambers a natural size so

that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose there isnt in all

creation another man with the habits he has look at the way hes sleeping at the foot of

the bed how can he without a hard bolster its well he doesnt kick or he might knock out

all my teeth breathing with his hand on his nose like that Indian god he took me to show

one wet Sunday in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a pinafore lying on his side

on his hand with his ten toes sticking out that he said was a bigger religion than the

jews and Our Lords both put together all over Asia imitating him ashes always imitating

everybody I suppose he used to sleep at the foot of the bed too with his big square feet

up in his wifes mouth damn this stinking thing anyway wheres this those napkins are ah yes

I know I hope the old press doesnt creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a good

time somewhere still she must have given him great value for his money of course he has to

pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope theyll have something better for us

in the other world tying ourselves up God help us thats all right for tonight now the

lumpy old jingly bed always reminds me of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it

often enough and he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I used to admire when I

was a little girl because I told him easy piano O I like my bed God here we are as bad as

ever after 16 years how many houses were we in at all Raymond Terrace and Ontario terrace

and Lombard street and Holles street and he goes about whistling every time were on the

run again his huguenots or the frogs march pretending to help the men with our 4 sticks of

furniture and then the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming

place on the landing always somebody inside praying then leaving all their stinks after

them always know who was in there last every time were just getting on right something

happens or he puts his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr Cuffes and Drimmies either

hes going to be run into prison over his old lottery tickets that was to be all our

salvations or he goes and gives impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out

of the Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the Freemasons then

well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along in the wet all by himself round by

Coadys lane will give him much consolation that he says is so capable and sincerely Irish

he is indeed judging by the sincerity of the trousers I saw on him wait theres Georges

church bells wait 3 quarters the hour wait 2 oclock well thats a nice hour of the night

for him to be coming home at to anybody climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill

knock him off that little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or Ill see if

he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks I dont know

deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their lies then why should we tell

them even if its the truth they dont believe you then tucked up in bed like those babies

in the Aristocrats Masterpiece he brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in

real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is disgusting you more with

those rotten pictures children with two heads and no legs thats the kind of villainy

theyre always dreaming about with not another thing in their empty heads they ought to get

slow poison the half of them then tea and toast for him buttered on both sides and newlaid

eggs I suppose Im nothing any more when I wouldnt let him lick me in Holles street one

night man man tyrant as ever for the one thing he slept on the floor half the night naked

the way the jews used when somebody dies belonged to them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or

speak a word wanting to be petted so I thought I stood out enough for one time and let him

he does it all wrong too thinking only of his own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I

dont know what he forgets that we then I dont Ill make him do it again if he doesnt mind

himself and lock him down to sleep in the coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder was it

her Josie off her head with my castoffs hes such a born liar too no hed never have the

courage with a married woman thats why he wants me and Boylan though as for her Denis as

she calls him that forlornlooking spectacle you couldn't call him a husband yes its some

little bitch hes got in with even when I was with him with Milly at the College races that

Hornblower with the childs bonnet on the top on his nob let us into by the back way he was

throwing his sheeps eyes at those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried to wink at him

first no use of course and thats the way his money goes this is the fruits of Mr Paddy

Dignam yes they were all in great style at the grand funeral in the paper Boylan brought

in if they saw a real officers funeral thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the

poor horse walking behind in black L Bloom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man

that bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in some place or other and Martin

Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys husband white head of cabbage skinny

thing with a turn in her eye trying to sing my songs shed want to be born all over again

and her old green dress with the lowneck as she cant attract them any other way like

dabbling on a rainy day I see it all now plainly and they call that friendship killing and

then burying one another and they all with their wives and families at home more

especially Jack Power keeping that barmaid he does of course his wife always sick or going

to be sick or just getting better of it and hes a good-looking man still though hes

getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all of them well theyre not going to

get my husband again into their clutches if I can help it making fun of him then behind

his back I know well when he goes on with his idiotics because he has sense enough not to

squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after his wife and family

goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the same Im sorry in a way for him what are his wife

and 5 children going to do unless he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck up

in some pub corner and her or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you please come home her

widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre

goodlooking what men wasn't he yes he was at the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base

barreltone the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of in Holles street squeezed

and squashed into them and grinning all over his big Dolly face like a wellwhipped childs

botty didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have been a spectacle on the

stage imagine paying 5/- in the preserved seats for that to see him and Simon Dedalus too

he was always turning up half screwed singing the second verse first the old love is the

new was one of his so sweetly sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was always on for

flirtyfying too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had a

delicious glorious voice Phbe dearest goodbye sweetheart he always sang it not like

Bartell dArcy sweet tart goodbye of course he had the gift of the voice so there was no

art in it all over you like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we sang

splendidly though it was a bit too high for my register even transposed and he was married

at the time to May Goulding but then hed say or do something to knock the good out of it

hes a widower now I wonder what sort is his son he says hes an author and going to be a

university professor of Italian and Im to take lessons what is he driving at now showing

him my photo its not good of me I ought to have got it taken in drapery that never looks

out of fashion still I look young in it I wonder he didnt make him a present of it

altogether and me too after all why not I saw him driving down to the Kingsbridge station

with his father and mother I was in mourning thats 11 years ago now yes hed be 11 though

what was the good in going into mourning for what was neither one thing nor the other of

course he insisted hed go into mourning for the cat I suppose hes a man now by this time

he was an innocent boy then and a darling little fellow in his lord Fauntleroy suit and

curly hair like a prince on the stage when I saw him at Mat Dillons he liked me too I

remember they all do wait by God yes wait yes hold on he was on the cards this morning

when I laid out the deck union with a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met before

I thought it meant him but hes no chicken nor a stranger either besides my face was turned

the other way what was the 7th card after that the 10 of spaces for a Journey by land then

there was a letter on its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a

rise in society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look at that and

didnt I dream something too yes there was something about poetry in it I hope he hasnt

long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or standing up like a red Indian what do they go

about like that for only getting themselves and their poetry laughed at I always liked

poetry when I was a girl first I thought he was a poet like Byron and not an ounce of it

in his composition I thought he was quite different I wonder is he too young hes about

wait 88 I was married 88 Milly is 15 yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillons 5 or 6

about 88 I suppose hes 20 or more Im not too old for him if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not

that stuck up university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt go sitting down in the old

kitchen with him taking Eppss cocoa and taking of course he pretended to understand it all

probably he told him he was out of Trinity college hes very young to be a professor I hope

hes not a professor like Goodwin was he was a patent professor of John Jameson they all

write about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he wont find many like me where

softly sighs of love the light guitar where poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon

shining so beautifully coming back on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa

point the guitar that fellow played was so expressive will I never go back there again all

new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that for him theyre my eyes if hes

anything of a poet two eyes as darkly bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words

as loves young star itll be a change the Lord knows to have an intelligent person to talk

to about yourself not always listening to him and Billy Prescotts ad and Keyess ad and Tom

the Devils ad then, if anything goes wrong in their business we have to suffer Im sure hes

very distinguished Id like to meet a man like that God not those other ruck besides hes

young those fine young men I could see down in Margate strand bathing place from the side

of the rock standing up in the sun naked like a God or something and then plunging into

the sea with them why arent all men like that thered be some consolation for a woman like

that lovely little statue he bought I could look at him all-day long curly head and his

shoulders his finger up for you to listen theres real beauty and poetry for you I often

felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his lovely young cock there so simply I wouldnt

mind taking him in my mouth if nobody was looking as if it was asking you to suck it so

clean and white he looked with his boyish face I would too in 1/2 a minute even if some of

it went down what its only like gruel or the dew theres no danger besides hed be so clean

compared with those pigs of men I suppose never dream of washing it from 1 years end to

the other the most of them only thats what gives the women the moustaches Im sure itll be

grand if I can only get in with a handsome young poet at my age Ill throw them the 1st

thing in the morning till I see if the wishcard comes out or Ill try pairing the lady

herself and see if he comes out Ill read and study all I can find or learn a bit off by

heart if I knew who he likes so he wont think me stupid if he thinks all women are the

same and I can teach him the other part Ill make him feel all over him till he half faints

under me then hell write about me lover and mistress publicly too with our 2 photographs

in all the papers when he becomes famous O but then what am I going to do about him though

no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no nothing in his

nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because I didn't call him Hugh the

ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a cabbage thats what you get for notkeeping them in

their proper place pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so

barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar way in the half of a

shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a butcher or those old hypocrites in the

time of Julius Caesar of course hes right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke

sure you might as well be in bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something

better to say for himself an old Lion would O well I suppose its because they were so

plump and tempting in my short petticoat he couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes

its well for men all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so round and

white for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try with that thing

they have swelling upon you so hard and at the same time so soft when you touch it my

uncle John has a thing long I heard those cornerboys saying passing the corner of

Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has a thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl

was passing it didnt make me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts his

thing long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be you put the handle in a

sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick and choose what they please a married woman

or a fast widow or a girl for their different tastes like those houses round behind Irish

street no but were to be always chained up theyre not going to be chaining me up no damn

fear once I start I tell you for stupid husbands jealousy why cant we all remain friends

over it instead of quarrelling her husband found it out what they did together well

naturally and if he did can he undo it hes coronado anyway whatever he does and then he

going to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course the man never even

casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either its the woman he wants and he gets her

what else were we given all those desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young

still can I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with him so

cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the wrong end of me not knowing I

suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a womans bottom Id throw my hat at him after that

hed kiss anything unnatural where we havent 1 atom of any kind of expression in us all of

us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever I do that to a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere

thought is enough I kiss the feet of you senorita theres some sense in that didnt he kiss

our halldoor yes he did what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of

course a woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young no matter

by who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the fellow you want isnt there

sometimes by the Lord God I was thinking would I go around by the quays there some dark

evening where nobodyd know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and

not care a pin whose I was only to do it off up in a gate somewhere or one of those

wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near the Bloomfield laundry to

try and steal our things if they could I only sent mine there a few times for the name

model laundry sending me back over and over some old ones old stockings that

blackguardlooking fellow with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and

ride me up against the wall without a word or a murderer anybody what they do themselves

the fine gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up somewhere this way coming out of

Hardwicke lane the night he gave us the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing

match of course it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters and the walk and when I

turned round a minute after just to see there was a woman after coming out of it too some

filthy prostitute then he goes home to his wife after that only I suppose the half of

those sailors are rotten again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for

the love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well he may sleep

and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he knew how he came out on the cards

this morning hed have something to sigh for a dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too

in prison for Lord knows what he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around down

in the kitchen to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a mummy will I

indeed did you ever see me running Id just like to see myself at it show them attention

and they treat you like dirt I dont care what anybody says itd be much better for the

world to be governed by the women in it you wouldnt see women going and killing one

another and slaughtering when do you ever see women rolling around drunk like they do or

gambling every penny they have and losing it on horses yes because a woman whatever she

does she knows where to stop sure they wouldn't be in the world at all only for us they

dont know what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where would they all of

them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what I never had thats why I suppose

hes running wild now out at night away from his books and studies and not living at home

on account of the usual rowdy house I suppose well its a poor case that those that have a

fine son like that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to make one it wasnt my

fault we came together when I was watching the two dogs up in her behind in the middle of

the naked street that disheartened me altogether I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in

that little woolly jacket I knitted crying as was but give it to some poor child but I

knew well Id never have another our 1st death too it was we were never the same since O Im

not going to think myself into the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldnt stay

the night I felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of roving

around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt

like that if she was alive ruining himself for life perhaps still its a lovely hour so

silent I used to love coming home after dances the air of the night they have friends they

can talk to weve none either he wants what he wont get or its some woman ready to stick

her knife in you I hate that in women no wonder they treat us the way they do we are a

dreadful lot of bitches I suppose its all the troubles we have makes us so snappy Im not

like that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in the other room suppose he was

as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me in the next room hed have heard me on

the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz

Delagracia they had the devils queer names there father Vial plana of Santa Maria that

gave me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las Siete Revueltas and Pisimbo and Mrs

Opisso in Governor street O what a name Id go and drown myself in the first river if I had

a name like her O my and all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and Rodgers

ramp and Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small blame to me if I am a

harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I dont feel a day older than then I wonder

could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted

see I haven't forgotten it all I thought I had only for the grammar a noun is the name of

any person place or thing pity I never tried to read that novel cantankerous Mrs Rubio

lent me by Valera with the questions in it all upside down the two ways I always knew wed

go away in the end I can tell him the Spanish and he tell me the Italian then hell see Im

not so ignorant what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor fellow was dead tired and

wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his breakfast in bed with a bit of

toast so long as I didnt do it on the knife for bad luck or if the woman was going her

rounds with the watercress and something nice and tasty there are a few olives in the

kitchen he might like I never could bear the look of them in Abrines I could do the criada

the room looks all right since I changed it the other way you see something was telling me

all the time Id have to introduce myself not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im

his wife or pretend we were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods notion where he is

dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head sometimes itd be

great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres the room upstairs empty and Millys

bed in the back room he could do his writing and studies at the table in there for all the

scribbling he does at it and if he wants to read in bed in the morning like me as hes

making the breakfast for I he can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going to take in lodgers

off the street for him if he takes a gesabo of a house like this Id love to have a long

talk with an intelligent well-educated person Id have to get a nice pair of red slippers

like those Turks with the fez used to sell or yellow and a nice semitransparent morning

gown that I badly want or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the one long ago in Walpoles

only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill just give him one more chance Ill get up early in the morning Im sick

of Cohens old bed in any case I might go over to the markets to see all the vegetables and

cabbages and tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in lovely

and fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet theyre out looking for it in the morning

Mamy Dillon used to say they are and the night too that was her massgoing Id love a big

juicy pear now to melt in your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then Ill

throw him up his eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his mouth bigger I

suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what Ill do Ill go about rather gay not too much

singing a bit now and then mi fa pieti Masetto then Ill start dressing myself to go out

presto non son pill forte Ill put on my best shift and drawers let him have a good eyeful

out of that to make his micky stand for him Ill let him know if thats what he wanted that

his wife is fucked yes and damn well fucked too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6

times handrunning theres the mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to even

iron it out that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe me feel my belly unless I made

him stand there and put him into me Ive a mind to tell him every scrap and make him do it

in front of me serve him right its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in

the gallery said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in this vale of tears

God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it I suppose thats what a woman is

supposed to be there for or He wouldnt have made us the way He did so attractive to men

then if he wants to kiss my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his

face as large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes there my brown

part then Ill tell him I want #1 or perhaps 30/- Ill tell him I want to buy underclothes

then if he gives me that well he wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all out of him

like other women do I could often have written out a fine cheque for myself and write his

name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he forgot to lock it up besides he wont

spend it Ill let him do it off on me behind provided he doesnt smear all my good drawers O

I suppose that cant be helped Ill do the indifferent I or 2 questions Ill know by the

answers when hes like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill tighten

my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick my shit or the first mad

thing comes into my head then Ill suggest about yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill

be quite gay and friendly over it O but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing pfooh

you wouldn't know which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of plum and apple no Ill have

to wear the old things so much the better itll be more pointed hell never know whether he

did it nor not there thats good enough for you any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off

me just like a business his omission then Ill go out Ill have him eyeing up at the ceiling

where is she gone now make him want me thats the only way a quarter after what an

unearthly hour I suppose theyre just getting up in China now combing out their pigtails

for the day well soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in to spoil

their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office the alarmclock next door at

cockshout clattering the brains out of itself let me see if I can dose off 1 2 3 4 5 what

kind of flowers are those they invented like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was

much nicer the apron he gave me was like that something only I only wore it twice better

lower this lamp and try again so as I can get up early Ill go to Lambes there beside

Findlaters and get them to send us some flowers to put about the place in case he brings

him home tomorrow today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I want to do the place

up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then we can have music and

cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the keys of the piano with milk whatll I

wear shall I wear a white rose or those fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich

big shop at 71/2d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky sugar lid

a couple of lbs of course a nice plant for the middle of the table Id get that cheaper in

wait wheres this I saw them not long ago I love flowers Id love to have the whole place

swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea

and the waves rushing then the beautiful country with fields of oats and wheat and all

kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about that would do your heart good to see

rivers and lakes and flowers all sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even

out of the ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no God I

wouldnt give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why dont they go and create

something I often asked him atheists or whatever they call themselves go and wash the

cobbles off themselves first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why

why because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes I know them

well who was the first person in the universe before there was anybody that made it all

who ah that they dont know neither do I so there you are they might as well try to stop

the sun from rising tomorrow the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among

the rhododendrons on Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat the day I got him

to propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of seedcake out of my mouth and it was

leapyear like now yes 16 years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes

he said was a flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that was

one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today yes that was why I

liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a woman is and I knew I could always

get round him and I gave him all the pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to

say yes and I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was thinking

of so many things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and Hester and father and old

captain Groves and the sailors playing all birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes

they called it on the pier and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing

round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls laughing in their

shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in the morning the Greeks and the jews and

the Arabs and the devil knows who else from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the

fowl market all clucking outside Larby Sharans and the poor donkeys slipping half asleep

and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the steps and the big wheels of

the carts of the bulls and the old castle thousands of years old yes and those handsome

Moors all in white and turbans like kings asking you to sit down in their little bit of a

shop and Ronda with the old windows of the posadas glancing eyes a lattice hid for her

lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops half open at night and the castanets and the

night we missed the boat at Algeciras the watchman going about serene with his lamp and O

that awful deepdown torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the

glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all the queer little

streets and pink and blue and yellow houses and the rosegardens and the jessamine and

geraniums and cactuses and Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes

when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes

and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and

then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes

my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down Jo me so he

could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes

I will Yes.

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1. Ebooks list page : 86
2. Ulysses: Chapter 12 Cyclops
3. Ulysses: Chapter 4 Calypso
4. Ulysses: Chapter 11 Sirens
5. Ulysses: Chapter 13 Nausicca
6. Ulysses: Chapter 14 Oxen of the Sun
7. Ulysses: Chapter 16 Eumaeus
8. Ulysses: Chapter 17 Ithaca
9. Ulysses: Chapter 1 Telemachus
10. Ulysses: Chapter 15 Circe
11. Ulysses: Chapter 7 Aeolus
12. Ulysses: Chapter 2 Nestor
13. Ulysses: Chapter 8 Lestrygonians
14. Ulysses: Chapter 3 Proteus
15. Ulysses: Chapter 6 Hades
16. Ulysses: Chapter 5 Lotus Eaters